How Loving Couples Fight
12 Essential Tools for Working Through the Hurt,
Newly Revised Edition by
James L. Creighton, Ph. D. ;
published by Aslan Publishing October 1998; 300 pp., $16.95 trade paper.
You'd be making a mistake to think that this is yet another self-help book with a catchy title filled with obvious remedies and windy banalities. Creighton is an empathetic, plain-speaking, authoritative author who is able to analyze one of the thorniest problems in the lives of most persons and offer sensible, practical ideas and methods for dealing with it. He has extensive academic and professional experience in conflict resolution and interpersonal communication; and married to one wife for more than 30 years, he patently has much personal experience on this particular area of conflict--namely, between individuals who love one another.
While Creighton does use the familiar self-help techniques of anecdotes, passages of dialog, and lists, these do not make up a large proportion of the contents of his book. Most of it is the authors incisive analyses of aspects of lovers spats, clarification of their sources and usually misdiagnosed meanings, and explanations of dealing with them in a satisfactory, and even productive, manner.
Creighton begins by assuring the reader that lovers quarrels, which can sometimes be bitter, are normal--thereby keeping [him or]her from becoming disturbed over the very fact of a quarrel, which can make dealing with the real issues and reaching a healthy resolution even more difficult. He then covers the importance of recognizing the fundamental emotions and real concerns entailed in a quarrel; followed by techniques and steps leading to a win-win outcome. How Loving Couples fight has lessons for conflicts between any two persons or factions. But it is surely the benchmark book on its intended subject.
review by Henry Berry/Small Press Review/Editors Choice, 260 words
submitted to Editors Choice August 7, 1998
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